Sep. 1st, 2010 05:44 am
tea_and_ink: (down the barrel of a winchester)
You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach you get when the phone wakes you up at three in the morning and your first thought is that something's happened?


And then, after nearly knocking yourself out with the edge of the bedside table, slipping on the mat and freezing your feet after you've achieved the living-room in one piece, you pick up the phone and it turns out to be a wrong number. Which the person on the other side (who, unlike you, sounds totally awake and not thoroughly annoyed) tries to deny by means of telling you it is completely normal to be disoriented, after all you did get dragged out of bed just recently, now could I please put my mom on the phone?

Yeah. Thoroughly annoyed, flist. At three in the morning. I don't even want to know what was this person hoping to achieve by waking up and entire household at oh-so-early in the morning.

I did go right back to sleep though, so that's something.

tea_and_ink: (Default)
Okay, so, it's like this, I have an awesome, completely adorable and unequivocally hot complexion that happens to be so (to me, anyway) solely on the merits of it being MY complexion.

So eff you world. My body issues are not triggered by your thinly-veiled racist remarks. You may leave my exalted presence now. TYVM.
tea_and_ink: (and so it begins)
Well, that happened. I'm sorry show, but )

There were parts to like, yes, but I'm getting my enjoyment overwhelmed by my facedesking.

Maybe I should just try not to muck their world turtle. IDK.

Further thoughts might be forthcoming. As well as possibly better framed and redacted. However, I cannot promise less capslocks, sorry.
tea_and_ink: (Default)
Well, that happened. But I'm sorry show, but )

There were parts to like, yes, but I'm getting my enjoyment overwhelmed by my facedesking.

Maybe I should just try not to mock their world turtle. IDK.

Further thoughts might be forthcoming. As well as possibly better framed and redacted. However, I cannot promise less capslocks, sorry.


Feb. 15th, 2010 09:31 am
tea_and_ink: (DA - OTP)
Dropping by to inform you that:

a) I've spent the entire weekend reading Arthur/Gwen fics because I loves them and tend to be a bit obsessive when it comes to stuff I love. Also they're lovely and there is some seriously good fic out there wherein Morgana is not taken away because Merlin never tried to kill her because she knew she was magic for a long while and she also knew he was magic as well andthenmostofthecrappypartsofseries2DIDNOTOCCURASSUCH. Awesomecakes.

b) I'm no longer in a committed relationship with my cat because my apartment building's policies changed and since I don't have a balcony I don't get to have a pet. Many tears were shed, many bad words were uttered and many brick walls were hit by my forehead. End result? I had to give Einstein away and it broke my effing soul. Like, I kept crying at random moments between A/G fics. It's awful.

c) My friend has become a thirteen year old boy obsessed with becoming a rocks star or something because out of thin air, she's decided that owning an amplifier will make her life. I do not get this reasoning but she came bearing ice cream and Orlando Bloom movies to ease my pain and so, I care not for the general lack of sense-making of her need for an amplifier.

d) School sort of starts today. At 18.00 hrs. Because Monday night is the bestest time to kick start a new semester, school. Keep up the utterly counterintuitive work.

e) Wow, I'm bitter today. Which is why I'm gonna go drink my sorrows away watch some more A/G vids on YT, I need the cute/lovely/awesome they bring.

f) I'm also considering changing this icon here for an A/G one (my theme, guys, sense it!) but then, it's Alec/Max!!!! this is hard.
tea_and_ink: (fortune teller)
I have a conundrum.

I wrote the fic I owe Zo first because DARK ANGEL!!!11! ::ahem:: and then stored it to come back to it because I wasn't quite pleased with the result. We'll come back to this as it is the root of all evil the very reason I'm so behind on posting these fics.

Then I wrote Anna-Mousey's prompt and I was quite pleased with it (ask Zo) and then I stored it away until I'd fixed my relationship with other one, so that I could post them both simultaneously, or at the very least as close to each other as possible as I am all about equality.

A few weeks ago my computer acted out and erased several files it had no business erasing, since many, many of them were school related I tended to those first, it wasn't until about a week and a half later that my conscience kicked in and I decided enough was enough, I would patch things up with the first fic and we'd come out of it stronger for it, our love would be reignited and this would become a source of strength in future difficult experiences. The fic was erased with the other files and my heart was broken in millions of tiny itty bitty little pieces never to be fully gathered again.

So, CONUNDRUM, should I appease my guilt and post Anna-Mousey's fic regardless of the readiness, or lack thereof, of Zo's? Or, should I soldier on (I'm still soldiering on) and fully re-write Zo's fic first before posting either?

Both of this solutions carry the same pros and the same cons, they would both make my soul a better place, and they would both weight further down my conscience as they are not the absolute best possible solution. I'm torn. Suggestions?
tea_and_ink: (peeks)
Earlier this morning Einstein tried to jump onto my lap but slipped, in order to avoid hitting the floor in a harmless undignified heap he clung to my arm, after sound cussing and much pain, I wound up with some vaguely questionable-looking scratches on my forearm. Which in and of itself isn't such a remarkable occurrence considering that, well, I have a cat.


I also have a tendency to clumsiness and I'm prone to accidents like cutting my thumb while chopping veggies or something along those lines. Again, nothing note worthy that doesn't happen to everybody and their mamas. I do, however, have this job where I've been seen crying and where people like to assume things out of freaking thin air. Like this mother who came to bring cake for the kiddies and upon looking at the wounds wells scratches on my arm decided to go to the counselor and ask her to see me, the counselor then proceeded to ask about my life, my boyfriend, my career, my family, my potty training everything she could think of to make sure that I was not cutting myself.


I mean, it's understandable, my boyfriend works at a copy shop, my family is spread thing along the entire continent, I'm studying psychology (the forgotten, weaker, lamer cousin twice removed of any kind of natural science) in a university known for it's outstanding (ish) business school, clearly it's gotta be so sad and depressing being me. Clearly self-harm is the natural conclusion.

I wonder what would have happened had I attempted to hide the scratches, or hey, if I didn't have pictures of my cat all over the place in my cellphone. Might have gotten institutionalized right then and there.

Fortunately the counselor saw things for what they were (classicist paranoia, mostly) and let me off the hook. Things were then improved further when checking the flist and finding lovely things such as [livejournal.com profile] winterlive  making people happy out of the goodness of her heart,  Mr POTUS and Mr VPOTUS being kind of awesome (as usual) and, oh yeah, this.

Comments owed and emails to reply to will have to wait until I've showered. Please, before you leave, do take a moment of your time to love on my new icon, thank you.

tea_and_ink: (down the barrel of a winchester)

I really feel like punching something. What the hell is wrong with the world? Can't they see this man is not gonna stop UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT? until there are no resources left for him to burn through on his thirst for power? Are they so blind they cannot see how personalism-driven his entire system of politics is? He doesn't want what's best for the country, HE WANTS NEVER-ENDING ADORATION!

I am so angry and disappointed right now. Can't stop crying. Tough, tough year ahead of us, and this is NOT a good omen.


Jan. 29th, 2009 02:56 pm
tea_and_ink: (down the barrel of a winchester)
Pain, why do you hurt so? Is there some reason why you gotta annoy that much? Did someone break your heart in the past, and here you are, taking revenge wherever it is to be found?
Just. Why?
/miserable, half-written poetry.

I am in so much pain right now. Had a twenty minutes long eye surgery yesterday and spent the entire day in bed, with ice packs pressed to my face and eventually sneaked out to check email and stuff, didn't take more than five minutes doing so, went back to bed and stayed there until this morning when I went to get the bandages out (what an adventure it was, to type single-eyedly) and then, there it was: PAIN, they gave me a shot because the pills that had been working so well until then were just not doing a thing. God!

I can see clearly, perfectly focused and everything, but it hurts so bad I wanna throw up. My right eyelid is all swollen and purple at the moment, looks like someone took an elbow to it. The surgery was fairly noninvasive, just peel off the lower eyelid a little way down and clean up, three small incisions that didn't even bleed all that much and that's that, I understand it should hurt some, but HOLY MOTHER OF HELL!, shouldn't be this bad today. I'm told.

::curls up in a ball::

I think I'm getting kinda feverish too. Maybe is just paranoia.
tea_and_ink: (anything frail anything wild)
RIP Kim Manners, and know you will missed terribly.

I still can't believe it, seems so out of the blue, though I do hope it's not that unexpected to his closed ones, I understand he'd been diagnosed with lung cancer in december (?) and, well, maybe the cancer had been there for a really long time so something like this is not such a bucket of cold water on his family and friends. My heart goes out to them.

oh, eljay

Dec. 8th, 2008 02:41 pm
tea_and_ink: (el dia de todas las almas)
I'm having this real emotional day, when I'm all down and blue and freakin' sweaty. Like, I wrote emo poetry y'all, there were dying flowers and sunsets and the freaking ocean!

And then [livejournal.com profile] memphis86  posted this link to Mr. Face of a New Generation throwing snowballs at Rahm's nape and looking totally capable of ruling a country while randomly stepping out of a tavern to make snowballs with his bare hands wearing nothing but a business suit and his Smile of Awesome. Simultaneously. And I just... just look at him!

Way to brighten one's day!.

Since we're on the topic, BARACKLES, WHERE THE CRAP ARE YOU??

tea_and_ink: (anything frail anything wild)
I miss my cat. Like whoa.

But, Blues Traveler has the power to make things better apparently.

::misses her cat::


Nov. 6th, 2008 09:11 pm
tea_and_ink: (42)
what exactly is LJ's idea of a newbie's capacity of understanding?

Because, honestly, that is painfully, painfully ugly. And totally unnecessary. Losers.

tea_and_ink: (road)
I'm smashed, you guys! Last night was spent studying for this quiz that did not happen because the professor forgot about it!! ::bangs head against wall::

And then? It was a hella hot day! I'm moving to one of those corners of the Earth where the sun never freaking shines! Heard there's a lot of depression going on in those places, so there'll be job for me. I'm all set, see?

I'mma go crash now. But first, a meme:

snagged from [livejournal.com profile] roguemouse
The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!

Knock yourselves out!


Oct. 18th, 2008 11:20 am
tea_and_ink: (down the barrel of a winchester)
Guess who got puked on today?

Nat, honey. I neglected mentioning to you in the email I just sent that tonight we will hold a staff meeting, specifically called so that yours truly can get ripped a new one because I keep on forgetting that when a child is sick you are not supposed to give him medicine, and so when the boss stops for air (or a cigarette) I shall ask about stuff pertinent to stuff you're interested in. And then the world will be ours, Pinky!

Ugh, I need a shower. And to be boiled. And then another shower.

Jesus H.

tea_and_ink: (anything frail anything wild)
The bro's best friend was found earlier today face down on the bathroom floor, Jared ran and called everyone and took him downstairs for the ambulance and spent the entire day in the hospital with the boy's mother, but ultimately there was nothing he could do. So.

It's possible Jared leaves Dallas definitely because, c'mon man, he's been taking hits from left, center and right lately and I honestly cannot see him hanging around out there for much longer. He's a brave one, my brother, and he's been trying to be strong and stoic in front of the shit storm, but his best friend killed himself and as soon as they told me I got a stomachache that's drilling me from the inside out, can't imagine what it's like for him, and the worst part (relatively speaking) is that the phone call won't fucking connect and I know he needs me right now, it's always been us against the world and I can't be there for him today. This hurts so much.

tea_and_ink: (anything frail anything wild)
You know that feeling when your head seems filled with cotton? I feel like that just now, it's like I both slept too little and too much, it's exhausting to be this exhausted. Need a vacation!!!!

Still got a whole night of cramming ahead of me, so I'll be going out in a little while to stock up on red bull because coffee will probably burn a hole in my stomach sometime soon and really, ulcers are so not part of the plan.

Totally spent the entire morning intermittently crying over Troy Davis because I'm lame and cry for stuff instead of doing something about it. Not that much of what was done did anything, but there was the intention. I don't even know how to spell what this makes me feel, mostly, crap will fit the space snugly, but it's so much more. So much more. This just breaks my heart so many times over.

Had a fight with the flower boy and it doesn't look like it's gonna blow over any time soon.


tea_and_ink: (fandom)
Thank god it's Winchester Day, man.

One of my professors resigned today, because she did not want to make us go through the process of mid-terms to then have them be invalidated because she was no longer an authority on the matter. This logic, while slightly kind of her, excludes the fact that hey, mid-terms are next week and had she quit before the semester even begun (as she actually intended to do) then it wouldn't matter because either someone else's authority would have been asserted, or our time could have been used in another class whose teacher was not going through some late quarter-life crisis. So this one is down for the count, nothing we can do this far along the semester, meaning we're screwed. Awesome.

Since we're discussing (cussing) school, I will go on ahead and inform you of the many ways in which this university is sucking my soul through my skin, inch by painful inch. I WANT MY SOUL, YOU FUCKERS!

BUT, Winchester Day, y'all! this is what's keeping me together, and like, stopping me from smashing my head against the table's edge, or killing someone (I hear they don't have cable in prison). Never thought I'd see the day when fictional characters were the only thing standing between me and total insanity.

Oh, then [livejournal.com profile] maboheme  linked to these Doctor Who icons, and yeah, it's all looking up now!

tea_and_ink: (snapshots)
omg, so tired. ::sleeps on flist::

I just quit my super awesome job of love. Stop. Please to be sending comfort food my way. Stop. Thank you.

::kicks priorities::
tea_and_ink: (anything frail anything wild)
I've been kind of reticent about sharing this with people, mostly on account of my mother not wanting me to tell people, but also because I'm not sure I'd be able to handle things if worse case scenario comes to be, which oddly enough is the very reason I'm posting about this at all.

A few months ago my step-father was diagnosed with skin cancer, they caught it in early stages and so surgical procedure was neither extensive nor dangerous, but it was stressing, especially since everybody involved seemed (seems) to be walking on egg shells around me on this topic, yes I did break down into tears over the phone when mom first told me, yes I did worn a gap on the hospital's waiting room floor while he was in the O.R. and yes I have been going crazy over all the possible might have beens, and worse, could bes, but I'm fine. Considering.

And honestly it's not even the cancer itself what's making me crazy, it's the implications and mom's policy of utmost secrecy (I'm assuming the step-dad is in on it as well, but I'm pretty sure it was her idea on the first place and he's just too tired/worried/in another headspace to really antagonize her over it), in the first place, it means I'm going to be even more paranoid about terminal conditions in the family, especially my sister who is the spit image of her dad and has already experienced several skin conditions at her tender age, and I'm already overloaded with all the crap my family's been going through over the last six or so years (I have an uncle who is both schizophrenic and drug addict, imagine the lovely dinner conversation we've had over him) and adding possibilities to that list is just too taxing; on the other hand, the attitude they've taken toward me is driving me up the damn wall, I mean, I understand their motivations and I get it that they're honestly worried about me and they're doing it out of kindness/love/protection but it needs to stop, it makes me feel handicapped somehow, like I hadn't actually dealt with Evan and I'm still stuck there or,  the one that actually hurts me, that I'm unable to move past it, but since this isn't about me I can't really sit people down and tell them to stop. Jared has been there for me, but he's got his own plate kind of full right now and I'm pretty convinced he's planning on some major changes in his life and he's gonna need some space to think on that, and second (?) as much as I understand where my mom's coming from, I do so only in an intellectual level.

Thing is, the step-dad's family has the entirely wrong idea about where he stands financially, they seem to think his connection to us (who are traveling somewhat constantly) speaks about his wallet's depth, which it doesn't. And mom has been put, several times, in the position of calling up on her marriage and Sophia to keep them in line (or at bay, as I think is more the case) and this is no way to live. I see this. But I'm also of the mind that your mother-in-law should know her son is in a tight spot (granted, I might be taking the case a little too far, but her eldest did die of cancer herself, so I'm thinking she might wanna know), and ultimately, if you don't want the greedier elements to step in, you'd be very diplomatic and cover your bases with your verbalization, but you'd still tell them because they have the right to know, and this is the crux of it for me, not only does the family deserve to know, the man in question might actually need to feel supported by his loved ones (and yes we were there, I even held his hand while he was getting his TAC scan, but still, I'm not his mother or his sister so it's not really the same) and my mother seems to have taken that away from him for what are, essentially, petty reasons.

It is also entirely too possible that she had more, or even other, reasons to act the way she did and such reasons are either need to know material, or none of my business at all, but still, it makes me slightly queasy that my mother has behaved the way she has.

Anyway, this post seems to have gotten out of hand and I'm not sure I even had a point coming in here at all, but this stuff needed to get out of my chest. Now it's out there and I don't feel like choking on some dark secret anymore... yeah, my reasons aren't so noble either, I know.


tea_and_ink: (Default)
olé nonetheless
...and your heart held out like a tin cup to catch the rain...

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