(no subject)
Sep. 5th, 2008 07:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tea_and_inkI've been kind of reticent about sharing this with people, mostly on account of my mother not wanting me to tell people, but also because I'm not sure I'd be able to handle things if worse case scenario comes to be, which oddly enough is the very reason I'm posting about this at all.
A few months ago my step-father was diagnosed with skin cancer, they caught it in early stages and so surgical procedure was neither extensive nor dangerous, but it was stressing, especially since everybody involved seemed (seems) to be walking on egg shells around me on this topic, yes I did break down into tears over the phone when mom first told me, yes I did worn a gap on the hospital's waiting room floor while he was in the O.R. and yes I have been going crazy over all the possible might have beens, and worse, could bes, but I'm fine. Considering.
And honestly it's not even the cancer itself what's making me crazy, it's the implications and mom's policy of utmost secrecy (I'm assuming the step-dad is in on it as well, but I'm pretty sure it was her idea on the first place and he's just too tired/worried/in another headspace to really antagonize her over it), in the first place, it means I'm going to be even more paranoid about terminal conditions in the family, especially my sister who is the spit image of her dad and has already experienced several skin conditions at her tender age, and I'm already overloaded with all the crap my family's been going through over the last six or so years (I have an uncle who is both schizophrenic and drug addict, imagine the lovely dinner conversation we've had over him) and adding possibilities to that list is just too taxing; on the other hand, the attitude they've taken toward me is driving me up the damn wall, I mean, I understand their motivations and I get it that they're honestly worried about me and they're doing it out of kindness/love/protection but it needs to stop, it makes me feel handicapped somehow, like I hadn't actually dealt with Evan and I'm still stuck there or, the one that actually hurts me, that I'm unable to move past it, but since this isn't about me I can't really sit people down and tell them to stop. Jared has been there for me, but he's got his own plate kind of full right now and I'm pretty convinced he's planning on some major changes in his life and he's gonna need some space to think on that, and second (?) as much as I understand where my mom's coming from, I do so only in an intellectual level.
Thing is, the step-dad's family has the entirely wrong idea about where he stands financially, they seem to think his connection to us (who are traveling somewhat constantly) speaks about his wallet's depth, which it doesn't. And mom has been put, several times, in the position of calling up on her marriage and Sophia to keep them in line (or at bay, as I think is more the case) and this is no way to live. I see this. But I'm also of the mind that your mother-in-law should know her son is in a tight spot (granted, I might be taking the case a little too far, but her eldest did die of cancer herself, so I'm thinking she might wanna know), and ultimately, if you don't want the greedier elements to step in, you'd be very diplomatic and cover your bases with your verbalization, but you'd still tell them because they have the right to know, and this is the crux of it for me, not only does the family deserve to know, the man in question might actually need to feel supported by his loved ones (and yes we were there, I even held his hand while he was getting his TAC scan, but still, I'm not his mother or his sister so it's not really the same) and my mother seems to have taken that away from him for what are, essentially, petty reasons.
It is also entirely too possible that she had more, or even other, reasons to act the way she did and such reasons are either need to know material, or none of my business at all, but still, it makes me slightly queasy that my mother has behaved the way she has.
Anyway, this post seems to have gotten out of hand and I'm not sure I even had a point coming in here at all, but this stuff needed to get out of my chest. Now it's out there and I don't feel like choking on some dark secret anymore... yeah, my reasons aren't so noble either, I know.
A few months ago my step-father was diagnosed with skin cancer, they caught it in early stages and so surgical procedure was neither extensive nor dangerous, but it was stressing, especially since everybody involved seemed (seems) to be walking on egg shells around me on this topic, yes I did break down into tears over the phone when mom first told me, yes I did worn a gap on the hospital's waiting room floor while he was in the O.R. and yes I have been going crazy over all the possible might have beens, and worse, could bes, but I'm fine. Considering.
And honestly it's not even the cancer itself what's making me crazy, it's the implications and mom's policy of utmost secrecy (I'm assuming the step-dad is in on it as well, but I'm pretty sure it was her idea on the first place and he's just too tired/worried/in another headspace to really antagonize her over it), in the first place, it means I'm going to be even more paranoid about terminal conditions in the family, especially my sister who is the spit image of her dad and has already experienced several skin conditions at her tender age, and I'm already overloaded with all the crap my family's been going through over the last six or so years (I have an uncle who is both schizophrenic and drug addict, imagine the lovely dinner conversation we've had over him) and adding possibilities to that list is just too taxing; on the other hand, the attitude they've taken toward me is driving me up the damn wall, I mean, I understand their motivations and I get it that they're honestly worried about me and they're doing it out of kindness/love/protection but it needs to stop, it makes me feel handicapped somehow, like I hadn't actually dealt with Evan and I'm still stuck there or, the one that actually hurts me, that I'm unable to move past it, but since this isn't about me I can't really sit people down and tell them to stop. Jared has been there for me, but he's got his own plate kind of full right now and I'm pretty convinced he's planning on some major changes in his life and he's gonna need some space to think on that, and second (?) as much as I understand where my mom's coming from, I do so only in an intellectual level.
Thing is, the step-dad's family has the entirely wrong idea about where he stands financially, they seem to think his connection to us (who are traveling somewhat constantly) speaks about his wallet's depth, which it doesn't. And mom has been put, several times, in the position of calling up on her marriage and Sophia to keep them in line (or at bay, as I think is more the case) and this is no way to live. I see this. But I'm also of the mind that your mother-in-law should know her son is in a tight spot (granted, I might be taking the case a little too far, but her eldest did die of cancer herself, so I'm thinking she might wanna know), and ultimately, if you don't want the greedier elements to step in, you'd be very diplomatic and cover your bases with your verbalization, but you'd still tell them because they have the right to know, and this is the crux of it for me, not only does the family deserve to know, the man in question might actually need to feel supported by his loved ones (and yes we were there, I even held his hand while he was getting his TAC scan, but still, I'm not his mother or his sister so it's not really the same) and my mother seems to have taken that away from him for what are, essentially, petty reasons.
It is also entirely too possible that she had more, or even other, reasons to act the way she did and such reasons are either need to know material, or none of my business at all, but still, it makes me slightly queasy that my mother has behaved the way she has.
Anyway, this post seems to have gotten out of hand and I'm not sure I even had a point coming in here at all, but this stuff needed to get out of my chest. Now it's out there and I don't feel like choking on some dark secret anymore... yeah, my reasons aren't so noble either, I know.
