so green

whomever was that recced me Murder by Death, please know that I am so grateful for your kindness. You have made my life such a nicer place.

Also? I kinda wish I remembered who you are...

 FELIZ CUMPLE MK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one of these days I'll actually be able to provide better presents than simply CAPS LOCKING EVERYTHING IN THAT SENTENCE. But until that day...

HOPE IT'S AWESOME AND YOU HAVE CAKE AND LOTS OF PRESENTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE, BABY!

Pain, why do you hurt so? Is there some reason why you gotta annoy that much? Did someone break your heart in the past, and here you are, taking revenge wherever it is to be found?
Why?
Just. Why?
/miserable, half-written poetry.

I am in so much pain right now. Had a twenty minutes long eye surgery yesterday and spent the entire day in bed, with ice packs pressed to my face and eventually sneaked out to check email and stuff, didn't take more than five minutes doing so, went back to bed and stayed there until this morning when I went to get the bandages out (what an adventure it was, to type single-eyedly) and then, there it was: PAIN, they gave me a shot because the pills that had been working so well until then were just not doing a thing. God!

I can see clearly, perfectly focused and everything, but it hurts so bad I wanna throw up. My right eyelid is all swollen and purple at the moment, looks like someone took an elbow to it. The surgery was fairly noninvasive, just peel off the lower eyelid a little way down and clean up, three small incisions that didn't even bleed all that much and that's that, I understand it should hurt some, but HOLY MOTHER OF HELL!, shouldn't be this bad today. I'm told.

::curls up in a ball::

I think I'm getting kinda feverish too. Maybe is just paranoia.

There's this lady I've known for a while now, and she's always wearing little hats to cover up the effects of the chemo, not that she's was covering the fact that she needs chemo, just what it does to her. Anyway, today she comes in and places her order to another waitress, when I bring her breakfast it hits me, people were looking at her not because of the chemo this time round, but because of what she wouldn't let it do to her.

She's foregone her usual little hats and this morning wears a bubblegum pink wig. When I ask her about it she answers "well, dear. What's one to do? I'm still losing hair, and did you notice how cold it was this morning? You know? I'm pretty sure it's not going away this time around, so I said what the hell, cancer may be killing me, but it's not taking my life away from me"

I cried a little. You know, in my line of work, at the clinic or the institute, even at the coffee shop I'm constantly exposed to the shortcomings of human nature, my heart has been broken so many times and so often I'm beginning to think I keep coming back out of mere masochism. Either that or I'm just way too naive for this career. But just when I'm about to give up, when becoming jaded and cynical seems like the only way to come out of it relatively OK, something like this happens and then it hits me, it's also a part of human nature that need to never give up, that seemingly tireless force that pushes us onwards, and when faced with that, it's the idea of losing my faith in mankind what makes me feel naive.

There are many things wrong with this world of ours (oh, so many), but there are also so many beautiful little shards of light worth fighting for, and this woman today has come to my rescue, yet again, and has showed me the sheer power of the human spirit, has reminded why is it that I believe in people and chose to do what I do.

Snagged from merykey

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4: What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

FANDOM
1. Favorite Fandom:
2. OTP/OT3:
3. Icon/Fic Journal (so I can join):

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

The best friend produced this article about a math code that had been finally solved after 38 years, and of course there is a reason why this guy is my BFF, he knows me, so he knows that stuff like this attracts my attention in inexplicable ways and for equally ineffable reasons.

Which is all very good, you know, in the spirit of learning and expanding horizons, etc, etc. Except. We dragged my boyfriend into it, and now the three of us find ourselves knee-deep in enemy territory wherein the only form of communication is through meaningful glances that mostly mean: what in the hell is this? Or the variation: why are we spending our saturday night doing this?, although my personal favorite is: why in the name of God am I thinking about this?

We are still trying to figure out whether The Road Coloring Problem actually translates into anything in real words. We refuse to give up, I'm taking this as a sign of extreme hard-headedness (pun probably intended, I'm not sure yet) as well as temporary insanity.

Still.

Happy Turkey Day to y'all!!

Dear (lucky) fandom fellas:

To those of you who will be lucky enough to attend Jensen Ackles' play in Forth Worth, please, please do your best to retain some dignity and remember you're in a theater, not in a rock concert. Cat-calls aren't really called upon, in fact they are definitely not appreciated by the people on stage and around you.

Please remember that a lot of effort has been put into this play so, screaming every time Jensen steps on the stage would be rude to the actors and audience, not to mention that it would seriously damage our (already screwed to hell) collective image.

The fact that the no-cameras, camcorders and cell phone cameras policy had to be pointed out sure tells something...
I, once again, fear for our reputation. 

So, please remember you're in a theater and behave accordingly.

A whole lotta love, me

P.S.: For some reason, I'm hoping that those of you reading this feel offended that I've even consider thinking about this. Because if you do, then my worries are completely unfounded, and that's a good thing.

I believe it was mionemione the one who wanted a tulips garden? I could be wrong but I kind of remember having a conversation with you about things that grow out of a pot.

Well,
These are from a garden on the Hills, wherein there has been snowing this last week. The cold front coming down to us is murderous, but I have a new coat so I'm happy about it. Yeah, I'm extremely random today, no school, no mid-terms (I survived!) and a whole lotta time to waste...

In that spirit.
Yeah, I know, it would be great if I actually organized them and they followed some sort of thematic sequence. But this way keeps the mystery... ::rolls eyes at self::  I mean, you didn't see Hermione coming, now did ya?

Names are important. There.

Last night Jared and I had a conversation over the phone (the love that guy has for his phone is really creepy sometimes) where certain event that I was not informed about surfaced. Apparently my tow dads had a discussion over the fact that Jared and I referred to our father by his first name. In R's view, that was a lack of respect for the parental figure, it allowed the children to have certain control over the parent with whom they were in fist name terms, under-minding of authority might ensue and subsequently the parent's duty was unfulfilled. 

In my dad's opinion, it is a sign of both respect and appreciation from his offspring to address him that way, it meant that they recognized him as the person, the human being, instead of just as the father role. According to dad, it had nothing to do with respect issues because we still shut our mouths with a mere glare from him, the same way we still turn to him when a more experienced-person's advice is required. Besides we still called him dad or daddy on a regular basis, so it wasn't as if we didn't recognize his part in our conception and upbringing, it was more about us accepting his condition of human being, of citizen even...

This discussion kept going for quite a while after this particular encounter took place. I'm kinda kicking myself for not picking up on it, but in my defense, I did notice that R was a bit stiff about my ways with him. I've never called him by his first name, at first he was Mr. R, then when he grew on me he became dad, he's never been daddy for me, but eventually I'll forget the "sir" part and he'll give me this look... now I know why.

My daddy, folks, is a hero. But that's my opinion on the subject which we have to agree, is more than a little biased.
My question to you (as somebody's kids and in certain cases, somebody's parent) is what do you think? I mean, your answer is most likely to have no affect on my treatment of my dad, since well, he's okay with it, but it will open my mind some more.

P.S.: is official, I'm back being "Scout"! ::is happy::