so green

Okay, so, it's like this, I have an awesome, completely adorable and unequivocally hot complexion that happens to be so (to me, anyway) solely on the merits of it being MY complexion.

So eff you world. My body issues are not triggered by your thinly-veiled racist remarks. You may leave my exalted presence now. TYVM.

Well, that happened. But ( I'm sorry show, but )

There were parts to like, yes, but I'm getting my enjoyment overwhelmed by my facedesking.

Maybe I should just try not to mock their world turtle. IDK.

Further thoughts might be forthcoming. As well as possibly better framed and redacted. However, I cannot promise less capslocks, sorry.

I have a conundrum.

I wrote the fic I owe Zo first because DARK ANGEL!!!11! ::ahem:: and then stored it to come back to it because I wasn't quite pleased with the result. We'll come back to this as it is the root of all evil the very reason I'm so behind on posting these fics.

Then I wrote Anna-Mousey's prompt and I was quite pleased with it (ask Zo) and then I stored it away until I'd fixed my relationship with other one, so that I could post them both simultaneously, or at the very least as close to each other as possible as I am all about equality.

A few weeks ago my computer acted out and erased several files it had no business erasing, since many, many of them were school related I tended to those first, it wasn't until about a week and a half later that my conscience kicked in and I decided enough was enough, I would patch things up with the first fic and we'd come out of it stronger for it, our love would be reignited and this would become a source of strength in future difficult experiences. The fic was erased with the other files and my heart was broken in millions of tiny itty bitty little pieces never to be fully gathered again.

So, CONUNDRUM, should I appease my guilt and post Anna-Mousey's fic regardless of the readiness, or lack thereof, of Zo's? Or, should I soldier on (I'm still soldiering on) and fully re-write Zo's fic first before posting either?

Both of this solutions carry the same pros and the same cons, they would both make my soul a better place, and they would both weight further down my conscience as they are not the absolute best possible solution. I'm torn. Suggestions?

FUCKING FUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

I really feel like punching something. What the hell is wrong with the world? Can't they see this man is not gonna stop UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT? until there are no resources left for him to burn through on his thirst for power? Are they so blind they cannot see how personalism-driven his entire system of politics is? He doesn't want what's best for the country, HE WANTS NEVER-ENDING ADORATION!

I am so angry and disappointed right now. Can't stop crying. Tough, tough year ahead of us, and this is NOT a good omen.

RIP Kim Manners, and know you will missed terribly.

I still can't believe it, seems so out of the blue, though I do hope it's not that unexpected to his closed ones, I understand he'd been diagnosed with lung cancer in december (?) and, well, maybe the cancer had been there for a really long time so something like this is not such a bucket of cold water on his family and friends. My heart goes out to them.

I miss my cat. Like whoa.

But, Blues Traveler has the power to make things better apparently.

::misses her cat::

I'm smashed, you guys! Last night was spent studying for this quiz that did not happen because the professor forgot about it!! ::bangs head against wall::

And then? It was a hella hot day! I'm moving to one of those corners of the Earth where the sun never freaking shines! Heard there's a lot of depression going on in those places, so there'll be job for me. I'm all set, see?

I'mma go crash now. But first, a meme:

snagged from roguemouse
The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!

Knock yourselves out!

The bro's best friend was found earlier today face down on the bathroom floor, Jared ran and called everyone and took him downstairs for the ambulance and spent the entire day in the hospital with the boy's mother, but ultimately there was nothing he could do. So.

It's possible Jared leaves Dallas definitely because, c'mon man, he's been taking hits from left, center and right lately and I honestly cannot see him hanging around out there for much longer. He's a brave one, my brother, and he's been trying to be strong and stoic in front of the shit storm, but his best friend killed himself and as soon as they told me I got a stomachache that's drilling me from the inside out, can't imagine what it's like for him, and the worst part (relatively speaking) is that the phone call won't fucking connect and I know he needs me right now, it's always been us against the world and I can't be there for him today. This hurts so much.

Thank god it's Winchester Day, man.

One of my professors resigned today, because she did not want to make us go through the process of mid-terms to then have them be invalidated because she was no longer an authority on the matter. This logic, while slightly kind of her, excludes the fact that hey, mid-terms are next week and had she quit before the semester even begun (as she actually intended to do) then it wouldn't matter because either someone else's authority would have been asserted, or our time could have been used in another class whose teacher was not going through some late quarter-life crisis. So this one is down for the count, nothing we can do this far along the semester, meaning we're screwed. Awesome.

Since we're discussing (cussing) school, I will go on ahead and inform you of the many ways in which this university is sucking my soul through my skin, inch by painful inch. I WANT MY SOUL, YOU FUCKERS!

BUT, Winchester Day, y'all! this is what's keeping me together, and like, stopping me from smashing my head against the table's edge, or killing someone (I hear they don't have cable in prison). Never thought I'd see the day when fictional characters were the only thing standing between me and total insanity.

Oh, then maboheme  linked to these Doctor Who icons, and yeah, it's all looking up now!

I've been kind of reticent about sharing this with people, mostly on account of my mother not wanting me to tell people, but also because I'm not sure I'd be able to handle things if worse case scenario comes to be, which oddly enough is the very reason I'm posting about this at all.

A few months ago my step-father was diagnosed with skin cancer, they caught it in early stages and so surgical procedure was neither extensive nor dangerous, but it was stressing, especially since everybody involved seemed (seems) to be walking on egg shells around me on this topic, yes I did break down into tears over the phone when mom first told me, yes I did worn a gap on the hospital's waiting room floor while he was in the O.R. and yes I have been going crazy over all the possible might have beens, and worse, could bes, but I'm fine. Considering.

And honestly it's not even the cancer itself what's making me crazy, it's the implications and mom's policy of utmost secrecy (I'm assuming the step-dad is in on it as well, but I'm pretty sure it was her idea on the first place and he's just too tired/worried/in another headspace to really antagonize her over it), in the first place, it means I'm going to be even more paranoid about terminal conditions in the family, especially my sister who is the spit image of her dad and has already experienced several skin conditions at her tender age, and I'm already overloaded with all the crap my family's been going through over the last six or so years (I have an uncle who is both schizophrenic and drug addict, imagine the lovely dinner conversation we've had over him) and adding possibilities to that list is just too taxing; on the other hand, the attitude they've taken toward me is driving me up the damn wall, I mean, I understand their motivations and I get it that they're honestly worried about me and they're doing it out of kindness/love/protection but it needs to stop, it makes me feel handicapped somehow, like I hadn't actually dealt with Evan and I'm still stuck there or,  the one that actually hurts me, that I'm unable to move past it, but since this isn't about me I can't really sit people down and tell them to stop. Jared has been there for me, but he's got his own plate kind of full right now and I'm pretty convinced he's planning on some major changes in his life and he's gonna need some space to think on that, and second (?) as much as I understand where my mom's coming from, I do so only in an intellectual level.

Thing is, the step-dad's family has the entirely wrong idea about where he stands financially, they seem to think his connection to us (who are traveling somewhat constantly) speaks about his wallet's depth, which it doesn't. And mom has been put, several times, in the position of calling up on her marriage and Sophia to keep them in line (or at bay, as I think is more the case) and this is no way to live. I see this. But I'm also of the mind that your mother-in-law should know her son is in a tight spot (granted, I might be taking the case a little too far, but her eldest did die of cancer herself, so I'm thinking she might wanna know), and ultimately, if you don't want the greedier elements to step in, you'd be very diplomatic and cover your bases with your verbalization, but you'd still tell them because they have the right to know, and this is the crux of it for me, not only does the family deserve to know, the man in question might actually need to feel supported by his loved ones (and yes we were there, I even held his hand while he was getting his TAC scan, but still, I'm not his mother or his sister so it's not really the same) and my mother seems to have taken that away from him for what are, essentially, petty reasons.

It is also entirely too possible that she had more, or even other, reasons to act the way she did and such reasons are either need to know material, or none of my business at all, but still, it makes me slightly queasy that my mother has behaved the way she has.

Anyway, this post seems to have gotten out of hand and I'm not sure I even had a point coming in here at all, but this stuff needed to get out of my chest. Now it's out there and I don't feel like choking on some dark secret anymore... yeah, my reasons aren't so noble either, I know.