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tea_and_ink) wrote2007-09-15 01:05 pm
tea_and_ink) wrote2007-09-15 01:05 pm
Entry tags:
Several things. Warning: possibly considered abuse of italics ahead
-But the important one is:
Dear Flist:
I love y'all to death, but please to be stopping with the so-darn-active behavior when I'm not around to condone your spamming tendencies. Thank you.
Lotsa love, me.
-Moving on. We had to do this sex-ed thing in that high school I used to counsel for, and oh my god! the things a gilr's gotta listen to get her license to actually listen. There was this one girl who approached me personally after the main event (a lecture on safe sex, the advantages and procedures of, and then some Q&A session that featured the little genius who was yet to figure out how very not-pregnant anal sex can get you) and asked me about the common, early symptoms of pregnancy, to then sigh in relief when I failed to include dry hands into the enumeration.
There was a lot of restrain on my part -and I really feel like I deserve a medal or something- in order to quash the impulse/need of repeatedly hitting my head against the desk right there because of forms and also, the girl really didn't know, and this is where my beef is, she was having sex (actively, as this one would appear to be at least the second freak out about a possible pregnancy) and not know what to look for in case there's something to be looked for, not to mention to allow that case in the first place! (clearly I did make a point out of individual hormone cycles and body chemistry, it was possible that in her, dry hands could mean a significant change in her body balance, but since I have very basic knowledge on that area it wouldn't be wise to just stay with my opinion and go to a doctor, then she specified it had been five months since her last period. That is just out of my hands, sent her to a doctor anyway, because it is a reason to be worry)
It's sex people, it is a serious issue and it is a big deal. Why is that so hard to understand? With sex comes a number of responsibilities that just cannot be overlooked in favor of praying and dancing under the moon, because that's just way less blush-inducing than going to a local library and borrow that little book with pictures in it. I mean, information is right there, all you gotta do is get over yourself and just go get it.
A guy came over after that and asked me if being a christian (I wear a crucifix around my neck) I considered sex a sin/crime. I asked him if he had a regular partner, if said partner was somebody else's official partner, if there had been raping involved, being these cases, imo, the ones that would step into sin/crime scenery (also the ones I could come up with at the moment to illustrate the point). Other possibilities involved ill intentions towards his partner and/or a possible third party, fear and insecurity in his relationship with his partner, insecurities about his own sexuality and some other potential situations that would have more to do with personal conceptions and, maybe, morality, than with the more general rules of religion and/or laws. Needless to say, after this I was pulled out from the table by the head professor to be lectured on the proper ways of answering that kind of dangerous questions. In his opinion, such questions should be answered in home, but then again, if there were answers back home, why would sex-ed be necessary in the first place? If there were answers back home, why would these questions be posed at all? So, in conclusion, the educational system kicks the ball into the family court, and the family neatly dodges it dumping the responsibility back on the school.
At the end of the day, it's the kids' fault that the hospital needs a especial wing to treat the ever-increasing amount of pregnancies and STD cases in teens (with an age range of thirteen to twenty-one years old)
I came home to sulk. Oh, the state of this world!
Dear Flist:
I love y'all to death, but please to be stopping with the so-darn-active behavior when I'm not around to condone your spamming tendencies. Thank you.
Lotsa love, me.
-Moving on. We had to do this sex-ed thing in that high school I used to counsel for, and oh my god! the things a gilr's gotta listen to get her license to actually listen. There was this one girl who approached me personally after the main event (a lecture on safe sex, the advantages and procedures of, and then some Q&A session that featured the little genius who was yet to figure out how very not-pregnant anal sex can get you) and asked me about the common, early symptoms of pregnancy, to then sigh in relief when I failed to include dry hands into the enumeration.
There was a lot of restrain on my part -and I really feel like I deserve a medal or something- in order to quash the impulse/need of repeatedly hitting my head against the desk right there because of forms and also, the girl really didn't know, and this is where my beef is, she was having sex (actively, as this one would appear to be at least the second freak out about a possible pregnancy) and not know what to look for in case there's something to be looked for, not to mention to allow that case in the first place! (clearly I did make a point out of individual hormone cycles and body chemistry, it was possible that in her, dry hands could mean a significant change in her body balance, but since I have very basic knowledge on that area it wouldn't be wise to just stay with my opinion and go to a doctor, then she specified it had been five months since her last period. That is just out of my hands, sent her to a doctor anyway, because it is a reason to be worry)
It's sex people, it is a serious issue and it is a big deal. Why is that so hard to understand? With sex comes a number of responsibilities that just cannot be overlooked in favor of praying and dancing under the moon, because that's just way less blush-inducing than going to a local library and borrow that little book with pictures in it. I mean, information is right there, all you gotta do is get over yourself and just go get it.
A guy came over after that and asked me if being a christian (I wear a crucifix around my neck) I considered sex a sin/crime. I asked him if he had a regular partner, if said partner was somebody else's official partner, if there had been raping involved, being these cases, imo, the ones that would step into sin/crime scenery (also the ones I could come up with at the moment to illustrate the point). Other possibilities involved ill intentions towards his partner and/or a possible third party, fear and insecurity in his relationship with his partner, insecurities about his own sexuality and some other potential situations that would have more to do with personal conceptions and, maybe, morality, than with the more general rules of religion and/or laws. Needless to say, after this I was pulled out from the table by the head professor to be lectured on the proper ways of answering that kind of dangerous questions. In his opinion, such questions should be answered in home, but then again, if there were answers back home, why would sex-ed be necessary in the first place? If there were answers back home, why would these questions be posed at all? So, in conclusion, the educational system kicks the ball into the family court, and the family neatly dodges it dumping the responsibility back on the school.
At the end of the day, it's the kids' fault that the hospital needs a especial wing to treat the ever-increasing amount of pregnancies and STD cases in teens (with an age range of thirteen to twenty-one years old)
I came home to sulk. Oh, the state of this world!
no subject
For example, my sister has just entered college. (We finish schooling at 15 and then two years, a junior college before we can pursue our degree.) Anyway she turns 16 and the end of this month, and I don't know we were watching something or she was reading some book which had smut. Yeah, the book. Now she probably shouldn't be reading it till eighteen but she's a smart kid and she was already halfway through the book. Asking her to stop at this point was not an option. So I thought why not a little, umm, talk. And I asked her if she knew all about it. She said, sorta, but when I ask her to tell me what she knows, it was next to nothing. And when I went on to explain, man, was she shocked and disgusted. Especially when I came to the oral & anal parts of it.
It was embarassing as hell for us both, because well, I can talk about it to my other sister who's just a couple years younger, but this one's half a decade younger and we're just not that close. But I feel better about it knowing that she won't come to know from other weird sources and be even more weirded out.
So yeah, I think that people especially the elders need to be more open about sex, gawd, how many problems would be solved if they just did. HIV is one for sure. You can't blame your kid for being careless when you were not even bothered to sit him/her down because it's an awkward topic. We read about rape, underage sex, teen pregnancy, HIV, STD and a hundred other cases everyday. Can't we just learn that it's better to get it over with today than deal with the consequences for lifetime?
no subject
Oh, what book was that? Yeah, is common to hear "Oh, I know something about it" to then learn that something might be too big a word to describe the amount of knowledge they actually have, it happened during the lecture, those kids were far more versed on abortive methods than contraceptive methods, hell they had that more clear than the "how to" for the pregnancy itself. I was really impressed (in the wrong way) by that. Heh, yeah, there were a lot of eww faces in the audience as well when descriptions came along.
I agree, better to have an awkward moment with somebody you know and trust, rather than with some unknown, shady source that might not care about you enough to actually walk you through the awkwardness.
There is SO much miss-information about HIV and STDs out there that it's ironical, I mean HIV is such a pandemic because of it, and you'd think that something as big as that would get people's attention, but nope. I think the key word there is "consequences", it's part of people's fantasy that if it's out of sight, is out mind and thus it cannot happen, "if I don't speak to my kids about sex, then there's no reason for them to even know about it, let alone wonder, I'll just wait until they get married and then I'll breach the subject in a safe environment where nothing can go wrong and a lot will be spared". And then I get to do paperwork for dozens of Jane Does who don't want their family finding out about their visits to the campus clinic. And oh God, the number of infections we have to deal with in cases of medical negligence during abortion procedures (most of which are illegal, hence the negligence), and you know, infection is really the best outcome for one of those.
::headdesk::
no subject
And yeah, my sister is like they gave us sex-ed, showed us pictures but in the end she didn't really understand anything. Whats the point of that?
I agree with the whole parent's thinking bit. I mean c'mon, weren't you ever of that age? Did you not wonder about sex? And when you did, and your parents did not speak to you, didn't you try to find out from other sources? So why would you think your children would be any different? And seriously, in this day and age, you're waiting for the day of your child's marriage? I find the whole situation extremely stupefying on the parents part.
Hell, what are you gonna do if your child contracts HIV? Cry for the rest of your lives. Instead if you'd just warned him/her. Or at least let the TV warn him/her instead of switching it off when the topic came on and you were uncomfortable. It happens on too many homes.
I mostly don't get why people are so uncomfortable about sex. It happens in the most remotest culture on earth. But still...
::shakes head::
no subject
They use all these clinical terms to sort of distance themselves from the shameful idea of somebody else, not only watching you naked, but touching while naked. And also? nudity. It's really silly, a complete waste of time and resources, but it's what you got.
I believe the experience of parenting robs you from certain memories that would potentially jeopardize your abilities as a care taker/provider? I think it has to do with the very famous romantic concept of giving your children what you never had, only in a crooked, reversed kinda way, you know? Like, I did wonder, but my kids won't because they're not me and times are different and I'm not parents and all that, so it would actually be more like "don't make the same mistakes that I made"... okay, I lost myself there a bit.
Stupefying is a good way to put it.
Exactly! I've even heard reasoning that says they wish to reserve that introduction to themselves, I've heard parents say they want to be the ones to first speak about sex with their children, and then they never do it, or if they do, it's something entirely romanticized and worst, glossed over, so in the end their noble intentions faded away because they mostly left their offspring in a even more shaky ground than where they started out.
I maintain nudity factors somehow, but I'm not sure up to what extend and I'm not quite sure either, of what else would factor in that awkwardness.
no subject
And yes, clinical terms. Do they help? If you're explaining to children it should be done in their own language rather than using something that will fly over their heads rendering the whole thing pointless.
Haha, I feel parenting takes away only the bad memories. Or manage to warp them. Because parents never forget to remind you of how well-behaved they were at your age. And all the nice things they did.
I sort of agree with you there. Sometimes even I think that you know I'd never do the same thing my mum did. But sometimes I find myself thinking like her. We delude ourselves into believing things will be different. But I guess things are. There has been a generation change and what seemed like a big deal to us is not new for them so when we allow our kids to do things we didn't, it's something they would have done anyway. And they want to do things we as parents would generally be worried about. So yeah, I get that, its never going to change but one can hope the genX wom't completely freak us out.
Okay, the one time my mum spoke to me about sex, it was anything but romanticised. And not at all glossed over and to tell you the truth, creepy. But then again, she was mad at me, so it was supposed to be all that. But yeah, it is sorta idealised to be what it isn't.
I don't exactly know what you mean by nudity factors?!
no subject
I think that missing the point *is* the whole point. Or it feels like it sometimes.
Hehehe, *that* they do remember! So not fair.
Exactly. There's always the hope we're different from our parents, but then, that's the example in parenting we've been more preeminently exposed to, so how far away from it can we wonder off?
My mother gave one wherein seeds and women's wombs featured, she wasn't very crude (I was four) but all she left out was the role of the penetration itself, so when some other kid asked about it in school a few weeks later, I, being the smart kid that I was, told her and the entire class my mom's version which landed me in the principal's office while my mom got told for not performing her duty properly ::eyeroll:: As you can see, my issues with principals started early.
I mean that in many, many cases, the kids I've spoken to are terrified of being naked, even more that they are of the possible outcomes of sex, I remember eluding the situation myself solely on the fact that I'd have to be naked for it to work. So if this is the way it goes for teenagers, imagine the images that most present themselves in the mind of a fifth grader when they're Health teacher comes up and talks about intercourse. According to my theory, it's also embarrassing for said teacher to speak about it.
no subject
With my mum, it was like being in the Principal's office. I think in all my innocence :D, I said something wrong in front of people and she wanted to sort of shock me. You know act like a principal with the sternness and everything. And thankfully I wasn't young. 12-13, maybe?
Ah okay. Yes, I have noticed that myself too. Despite the fact, that so ans so are doing the act, they are still uncomfortable with nudity. Personally, I feel it's a weird situation but then again, that's just me. I haven't ever really looked at it from someone else's POV.
no subject
Ouch. That must have been really uncomfortable.
I guess you get used to it as you get used to your partner seeing you naked, but it's still weird when other people is involved somehow (I don't mean anything kinky, remember we're talking about schools and children and parents). It probably depends on the person too, I know those that approach the world with as little clothing as the season permits, and others that are the exact opposite so ::shrugs::
no subject
Yeah, it was, luckily, it was just me and mom, no viewers.
Yeah, I guess I understand that. I'd kinda in between. I wouldn't mind wearing a tiny skirt or maybe showing a little cleavage (if I had any) but o'er here, you get stared at, no matter what you where. If a completely covered person gets a couple glances, then everyone stares at the girl in a short skirt. So yeah, that would be why i wouldn't be comfortable wearing it out on the roads. But otherwise, I'm not like some people who think a sleeveless shirt in sinful or a red T-shirt means you're trying to attract attention.
no subject
Well, that's a double awesome, right there.
I get stared at because I'm a jeans person, so even in summer I'm wearing my long jeans and I don't mind, but people seem to think it's just me repressing my femininity, when the opposite is true, I use them because my hips are really wide, so skirts kinda make me look like a triangle, or a whore, depending on how tight/short; jeans shape me out and I get to show off. It is really very subjective. And how did we wind up talking about clothes? (such girls, hehe)
no subject
With sex comes a number of responsibilities. Heh, just like with superpowers -- With great sex comes great responsibility!
Hey, you know you can't get pregnant if you're on top? And you can't get pregnant if you do it on your period. Oh! And you can't get pregnant if you do it in the shower, either.
And did you know you can only contract HIV from having sex with a gay guy?
Oh! And if a guy takes a hand full of your contraceptive pills, he can't get you pregnant.
Yeah... I learned all this in college. COLLEGE! *shoots self*
no subject
With BAD sex comes a number of responsibilities. I mean it's important to remember that no matter what, you cannot kill your partner!
Really? Wow, I didn't know those things, see? is all lack of information's fault, stuff like this should be handed out in pamphlets or something, yanno? I had no idea about the shower one. Under what rock have I been living?!
Oh, really? Then we just put all gay men together in a cage and let them get sicker until the virus runs out!!! I'm a freakin' genius.
I'mma go pulverize some of my pills and feed them to him on his dinner tonight. Very useful, Jen.
Ah, college, the place where we go to expand our minds and knowledge, to experience life and shit. It's not advertising material, I think.